I was pootling along Sheene Road in my car the other day, practising driving at 20 miles per hour for when the new snail’s pace becomes compulsory all over the Bedminster area. The car in front of me slowed down slightly, the electric window zizzed open and the driver dispatched a projectile that rocketed out of the window. It was a windy day, and I watched as the takeaway box was sucked up into the air where it shimmied about for a second or two before disgorging its contents all over my car!

I gawped dumbstruck through the windscreen at my car bonnet which was now plastered in what appeared to be enough chips to feed a small army. When the traffic lights changed I drove over the junction to Lidl to buy some wet-wipes for my poor car. By the time I had checked out all the latest bargains and had calmed down enough to tackle the mess, I exited Lidl to discover a flock of seagulls indulging in a chip-fest all over my vehicle. It’s not a phrase I use often – but good old seagulls! All I needed to do was wipe off a few smears of ketchup and one squashed chip and my car was as good as new! 

I shan’t mention litterbugs - Grrrr!