The View From Parson Street Nose

I caught my foot in a pair of gentlemen’s drawers this morning.

There I was striding down British Road when I nearly landed nose first on the pavement.

I looked down and to my utter horror saw a pair of jersey boxers shorts had wrapped themselves around my cork-heeled mules.

I hopped to the wall for support and managed to kick the offending garment into the gutter.

I did feel a bit guilty for leaving them there but thought it may have caused a few raised eyebrows had I marched to the nearest litterbin dangling a pair of unmentionables.

Having nearly been felled by a pair I was now on high alert for any more of the wretched things that may be lying in wait for me and I couldn't believe how many of them there are dotted about.

I spotted two pairs in North Street (the cafe end) and another pair in New Charlotte Street by the Asda petrol station, all men's, I should add.

I may have to ask the Skipper when he gets home if he ever feels the need to unfetter himself on his peregrinations around the locale.

How do they get there? On my travels I have never seen a man whipping off his strides in order to remove his y-fronts.

Does every young blade carry a spare pair in his man bag in case he gets lucky? If so, it could be the spares I am seeing, shaken loose after a bout of rummaging.

Later on, after my eye test, as I paused in the doorway of Scrivens to check if I had picked up my new spectacles, I noticed two girls standing by the shop window. One was texting frantically, her thumbs a blur, the other was gazing in the window.

"I don’t like mirror sunnies," said the one who was looking in the window.

"Why not?" replied the texter.

"Because people look in them, don’t they?"

"So?"

“Well, it’s confusing innit? I think they’re eyeing me up and they’re not, they checking themselves out.”

“You’re mad you are.”

“No I aint!”

At this point the girl turned around to have a go at her friend and I saw she was sporting the most enormous pair of Paris Hilton sunglasses, and had they actually been fitted with mirror lenses, she may well have found people pausing to brush their hair in the reflection from her shades. I really do wonder if people think about anything but themselves nowadays.