The View from Parson Street Nose

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By PARSONSTNOSE | Thursday, October 11, 2012, 09:53

"Look out, lady!" The dog and I had just completed our circuit of Victoria Park when the frantic warning brought us up short.

I must admit I hadn't been looking where I was going, so caught was my attention by the flock of jays screeching at one another on top of the bushes by the old rectory.

"You were nearly part of the art, lady." A scruffy fellow clutching the edge of a vast canvass was attempting to manoeuvre it through the entrance to Fraser Street.

"So sorry," I murmured.

Upon seeing one of Pickle's back legs rise gracefully into the air like a hairy Darcey Bussell, I yanked on his lead. "Down, Pickle," I warned only succeeding in lessening his sprinkle. The scruffy fellow slowly jerked his masterpiece into the street oblivious to the fine smattering of yellow speckles decorating the rear corner.  

After a fine weekend, the weather descended back into wet gloom.

 "Ahh-tishoooo! Tishooo! Tishoo!"

The woman in front of me on the bus let out such a volley of sneezes I feared she may sustain whiplash injuries.

"These buses," muttered the lady next to me, popping a throat sweet into her mouth and sucking noisily, "is a proper germ factory."  Leaning across me she gestured to the condensation running down the window. "Germs!" she said. "We'll all have Eurasian flu by next week."

"Is that the latest strain?" I asked turning and experiencing the full horror of the top-plate of her dentures rising and falling like a portcullis due to the violence of her sweet-sucking.

"Dunno," she said. "Bad though, innit?"

One morning, I thought I'd use the car park with the goalposts entrance behind McDonald's. This car park has not been lucky for me for the last time I used it I managed to knock off one of my wing-mirrors when negotiating the exit.

The curse of the car park was still in force as, true to form, when I returned to my jalopy I couldn't find my car-keys, resulting in me up-ending my organiser handbag on the bonnet of the car. A sudden loud voice nearby caused my heart to beat heavily within my gilet.

"So where did Shane take you on your first date then?"

My quick glance around honed in on the two girls sneaking a cigarette break behind the restaurant.

"You'll never guess," said the other girl. "Never in a million years."

"Oh, I dunno, Wevverspoons?"

"No, he only took me to Krispy Kreme's, dint 'e?"

"You lucky mare. How many did you manage?"

"I did seven!" came the proud reply.

"You're kiddin' me, right. Was you sick?"

"It takes more than that to make me chuck my chunks, girl."

A fine drizzle began to fall. Sighing, I reached into the umbrella pocket on my bag and out fell my car keys.

      

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